Saturday, June 28, 2014

How plain are Aussie girls?

My friend Joe in Miami sent me this.  An artistic girl in New York photoshopped a plain pic of herself to conform to definitions of beauty around the world.  I liked Indian and Pakistani the best.  The American and Philippina are hysterical!  I am sure Cindy Sherman is all over this project.

People have commented how shocking and cheap the Aussie girl is.  But yeah, it is accurate.  Aussies like unassuming, athletic, simple inexpensive looks, but it can some off as cheap, daggy, or awkward.  We are also keenly aware of our rampant Tall Poppy Syndrome, Aussies cutting down any other Aussie who tries to transcend being common.

I was in ultraglam Westfield mall in Bondi Friday.  I had to take my faux leather Zara pants to my expert Chinese repair lady who had refitted ten pants and shirts for me in March after i lost 33kg.  These Zara pants are great, and since they only make seasonal knockoffs at Zara, there is no way to replace them.  Any clothes from Zara that last more than three months deserve to be put in a museum, and these lasted through ten years of hard wear, from NYC in 2004!    $82 to repair.  No worries, mate, worth it, they are irreplaceable.

Robert and Louise atop Bernal Heights in San Francisco 
(Robert in 2004 Zara faux leather jeans from Zara Soho NYC and Façonnable top from Century 21 NYC; Lou in normal lesbian outfit)

Westfield is one of the best designed shopping centers in the world, an icon for lots of others that have been redesigned.  Why are Aussies so good at shopping centers?!!  I took a few pics of ordinary Aussies, and sure enough the quasi valley-girl praddling mall girls look just like the artist's Aussie beauty.  Well done, Esther.

Artist's mock Aussie beauty

Aussie girls ride the escalator and praddle on at Westfield Mall Bondi.  The selfie trick I used to photograph ruski police works for (old looking) teens, too.

No need for makeup?

Plain looking but circus people.

Cynthia in middle is a typical pretty but unassuming Aussie girl

That doesn't mean Aussies don't have freaky fantasy outfits

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The Artist's Full Piece:

This Woman Had Her Face Photoshopped In Over 25 Countries To Examine Global Beauty Standards

Through her work, Esther Honig hopes to discover if a global beauty standard actually exists


Original, unaltered photograph of artist.

 

Esther Honig.

Moroccan interpretation of beauty.

 

Esther Honig, a freelance journalist based out of Kansas City, sent an unaltered photograph of herself to more than 40 Photoshop aficionados around the world. “Make me beautiful,” she said, hoping to bring to light how standards of beauty differ across various cultures.

The project, titled Before & After, originally came to Honig while she was working as a social media manager for a small startup. Her boss introduced her to Fiverr, an international freelancing website where anyone can hire freelancers from around the globe to complete almost any task imaginable. While browsing the site, Honig realized the prevalence of those offering Photoshop skills. “It immediately occurred to me that in this pool of workers, each individual likely had an aesthetic preference particular to their own culture,” Honig told BuzzFeed. Thus, the idea for Before & After was born.

Working with freelancers in over 25 countries, Honig expected that the images would differ from country to country, but was herself caught off guard by just how drastically some of the images were altered. “Seeing some jobs for the first time made me shriek… Other times images, like the one from Morocco, took my breath away because they were far more insightful than I could have expected,” Honig said.

To be sure, the images Honig has collected so far are interesting as individual images, a unique portrait of the standards of beauty in each country. However, when taken in totality, the project becomes much more striking, an interesting launching point into a global conversation about unattainable beauty standards around the world. “What I’ve learned from the project is this: Photoshop [may] allow us to achieve our unobtainable standards of beauty, but when we compare those standards on a global scale, achieving the ideal remains all the more illusive.”

Below are the photographs that Honig has collected thus far. Note: Some countries have multiple images from different artists. Honig continues her project on her website.

Argentina

Argentina

Esther Honig

Australia

Australia

Esther Honig

Bangladesh

Esther Honig

 

Chile

Chile

Esther Honig

Germany

Germany

Esther Honig

Greece

Greece

Esther Honig

India

Esther Honig

 

Indonesia

Indonesia

Esther Honig

Israel

Israel

Esther Honig

Italy

Italy

Esther Honig

Kenya

Kenya

Esther Honig

Morocco

Morocco

Esther Honig

Pakistan

Pakistan

Esther Honig

Philippines

Esther Honig

 

Romania

Romania

Esther Honig

Serbia

Serbia

Esther Honig

Sri Lanka

Sri Lanka

Esther Honig

U.K.

U.K.

Esther Honig

Ukraine

Ukraine

Esther Honig

USA

Esther Honig

 

Vietnam

Vietnam

Esther Honig

Venezuela

Venezuela

Esther Honig

Ashley Perez/ BuzzFeed / Via Esther Honig



The reason I became Australian

Aussie rules football is a great game to watch.  It's certainly the best code of football or rugby or soccer.  Stop start, stop start American football with their Transformers-like armour coated uniforms is silly.  Sure, American college football can still be fun to watch, but it's am ill conceived game and it needs to be improved through some wholesale changes.  But Americans don't even realize their sport is only one minor code of football.  To them, it is Football, and making changes especially for avoiding head injuries will be hard, but like gay marriage in America and equal rights for women and blacks, it has to happen.  But, Nah, it's American football, which is similar to Canadian football, if you havent seen it.

AFL is a better team sport, and it is a lot less dangerous.  One melancholy aspect of my annual trips is having to miss some of the footie season here.  It's inevitable.  This year I went early, in May, to catch the Great Migration in East Africa (of animals and their tourist paparazzi) so I missed Sydney coming back from a terrible start of the season, having lost on tv to the cross town expansion team, GWS.  I like GWS' uniforms, and I hope the club takes root, but i am not sure how champion Sydney lost so badly to them in the first game back in May.  I suspect the win was arranged to give GWS a boost, which by the Starbucks principle would also give a boost to Sydney.   These things happen.  Or it could have just been the games were off-kilter from that ugly but fortunately fleeting trend of Abe Lincoln beards that many of the footie players were sporting after the summer break.

Anticip-Pation on bus on the way to the pub before the match, chatting to an Irish bloke about footie and his girlfriend's asthma

Simple Asthma trick I invented:  wrap scarf over mouth when walking fast in the cold.  It works! I ran for the bus without the scarf and regretted it on the bus for twenty minutes of wheezing.

There's nothing better than a night at the footie. Right Matt?

I was so engrosed in the whole family-fun footie environment, chatting to Matt (playing on this iphone) and watching the game and preparing snacks and voddy and pomegranites, I forgot to take action pics of the players.  And we had great seats for perving on them. This pic is stolen, for completeness.  Thanks, Rupert.  Ps, this GWS guy needs to cut off that stupid mini hair braid.  It bothered me the whole game.

Our understated clever coach John Longmire has no issue spending time, losing points, losing games, to figure out how to optimize his team.  We've learned how to merge in super-talented Lance Franklin, who has miraculously converted from being a Melbourne bad boy to being a admirable, respectable person, which binds him tightly into the family-oriented club.  (Superstar Barry Hall got shipped out post haste for repeated gratuitous bad boy violence.)  Lance probably adopted his new persona from  respectable award-winning Adam Goodes, an aboriginal brother.  Adam and recent Swan player Michael O'Laughlin spend a lot of time and effort in the aboriginal community trying to get the kids on the right foot.  I am sure they get counsel from Brett Kirk who retired last year.  These guys used to use meditation to prep for games, and I am sure the players still do.  So smart.  The Swans play like Buddhists, calm and on it, regardless of what happens.  Geelong always played that way, too. It's hard to beat.  That is a lesson for everyone off the field, too.


Tonight I made fish fingers and woolies mushroom pizza with my special olive oil and scallion topping.  Served in tupperware.  For drinks we had soda water or my special hydrating drink Russian Standard vodka, pomegranite juice in a soda water bottle and soda water.  The vodka sneaks up on you.  For desert, a special brownie.   I also served some crudite with a homemade yoghurt, moroccan spice and honey dip, though i used a bit too much honey.  Matt was a great hungry date, not having eaten all day.

In the hour before the game, the fish and the pizza didnt cook in their recommended 15 minutes, and i like them crisp at the game, so i pushed the cooking time as long as possible.  I realized during the game that I had left the oven on with a handful of fish fingers stil cooking on the tray.  Ooop!  So is the fire department at my house?  Not much I could do, just enjoy the game and check the damage later.  I suppose i could have called and seen if the phone had burned up.

Charcoal hake on return home.

Warm inside the stadium bathroom sending txts back to Matt and his iphone extension.

On bus home: Aussies wear shorts all winter, even at 8 degrees last night.

Friday, June 27, 2014

9am DYI Saturday-Sunday

Every day since my return to Sydney seems to have been nonstop DYI.   DYI, DYI, DYI.  Didn't I do this before I left for my trip, too?  Maybe I am more ambitious now, but I suspect I am recovering cognitively, and certainly physically, and just able to get more done. This fourth 'round the world trip was much harder than the previous ones, even if I made it simpler and shortened it by a week.  Many of my friends told me I have changed a lot since last year, for the third year, calmer and more aware.  I am definitely a lot different from this time last year.  Putting myself through a week of catharsis to reset my body's chronic reaction to my accident/hip replacements trauma worked, and I never felt that agony I had felt for the nine months before, despite the travel with up to 85kg of luggage.

Moving location every three days, sometimes every day, for six weeks was grueling.  I stayed at the boring beach in Zanzibar for four nights which was my longest stay anywhere.  

Yawn.  Ok, this looks pretty nice now I am in winter, and this was the flea and tout ridden backpacker part of the beach.

But evidenced by the path of destruction, this trip was tough going: destroyed posh Tumi suitcase, disintegrated posh Tumi backpack (a $450 backpack shouldn't fall apart in a few months!  man..), damaged posh TAG watch, damaged pro Bushnell binocs, damaged iPhone, damaged iPad.  The first week back, everything was sent for warranty repair.  Whew. That is why I buy top quality stuff that is guaranteed to last, even if my travel is hard on them.

I relied on a series of paper todo lists my first few days back. On day three, feeling better finally from taking antibiotics, I swapped and merged my paper list into my Excel todo spreadsheet that I share with my team via Dropbox.  Now I am being controlled by the computer, driven by its unsympathetic logic.  I've been banging things off the list every day and every night, but then new chores come on to replace them.  I've become a drone.  Actually a female worker bee is more like it.  Some of these garden chores take days.  But at least now I have a record of what I am accomplishing.  And it's starting to look a bit more like the Hotel Pakalika in the Lower Haight.

It's clear that my Alzheimer's meds, Aricept, that my mate Joe helped get on the market, are making me ever so slightly manic, at some times more than others.  But with a todo list in charge of my time, and my trustee scrutinizing my finances until we get settled from this trip, I am not worried about revving too high.  I've been getting great sleep, now that this frickin' annual TB-grade cough has finally waned.  

Induced Asthma: Take slow shallow breaths and don't hyperventilate.  Meditation is the best tool to relax the bronchials, she says;  seems to be a theme.

Yesterday, Vicki was teaching me how to manage my resulting temporary asthma, since she's had it for life, and that helped, and I think I am almost back to normal.  But Sydney is cold, like 16 degrees, though i am still wearing shorts everywhere.  No wonder I can't shake this cold!  Sitting in the night air at the footie wont help, but i don't care.  I love the footie, and Sydney is on fire right now.
Am I manic on these meds?  Who cares?  I am getting so much done!


I even washed the panda's jumper 

I reorganized my library today into a proper library classifications:    Philosophy and psychology, Religion, Technology, Arts & recreation,  Literature, History & geography
shelves for art, fiction, athletics, Buddhism and spirituality, computer science, geography, business.  Language, Pure Science (Zoology) is on another shelf: animal science, travel, and language.  The front shelf gets cookbooks and nutrition.  I could actually give these sections Dewey Decimals, but I am not that manic.  That opened up two botteom shelves to finally get my collection of miniature stuffed zoo animals off the unrespectable closet floor onto their own shelves.  I need to go back and arrange the animals by class, at least keep the predatory cats away from the ungulates.  Maybe I could arrange the animals by Dewey Decimal?  No time, gotta get ready for footie, which means catering the event.  Maybe infuse some vodka.

Several of my mates overseas and also Vicki yesterday rent rooms in their flats to tourists on AirBnB. In fact, David Kaye won the global grand contest promotion for AirBnB, and got a week at any AirBnB in the world including airfare for him and his husband Kevin.   They invited me to their week in Ko Samui in September, and I am now scheming how to go.  I'll probably use my accumulating UA, AA or QF miles since I have already blown through most of my travel and entertainment budget for the year.  I have to plan one other  trip, to New Zealand, for my mates Dale and Gary's wedding over NYE.  That is if Dale can get time off from his international business travel.

Yesterday, I had a great idea.  Since these trips are each shorter than two weeks, I could have a mate care for my cats, and I could rent out my beach flat on AirBnB.  If I could rent it, it looks like about $200/night in mid-September and $300 over peak NYE.  It's a great apartment for tourists.  That's say $1500 in September and maybe $3500 in January, then maybe another $1000 in January when I go to Aussie open, after costs, such as a fee for looking after my critters.  AirBnB guarantees your flat against wholesale damage or theft, so it seems like a no-brainer.  That would make my ongoing travel guilt free and I could throw in a few nights at the Peninsula.

Furthermore, I was noticing visiting the AirBnB mates, actually staying in the hotel Pakalika this time in San Francisco, that the guys tend to keep their flats very tidy and fresh, and they also tend to use hotel-like amenities including things like easily accessible plugs for guests in their rooms.  It dawned on me that the chore of looking after their Inns has the side effect that they always live in a pristine hotel-like environment.  I want that!

 
Getting tidy




My mum gave me posed portraits of herself and Dad on this trip.  They look a bit like Kath and Kim's portraits.

Kath and Kim (and Kel)
Kath and Kel's connubial pics from Kath and Kim.

A posh hotel would not have scraggly plants in its garden.  I have had my star jasmine since I moved to Sydney in 2005, from a way overpriced plant store in Darlo I must have sought out being from overpriced Manhattan.  But it never really bloomed much after the first few years and despite training it around my front terrace, it looked like a weed.  It had to go, but as a Buddhist, I felt I could not kill it.  So I passed the buck to Jamie, who had no problem issuing the order.

"Kill it!", Jamie says.

 I had to turn the poor rooted plant upside down in it's wedged pot to get her out.  She's a survivor after all.  I could not do it. I had to save her.  Not that I am going to keep her in the front row.  I planted the gorgeous bougainvillea and some lavender in its place and moved the jade plant I grew from a clipping to under the Meyer lemon. 

It's SO much better now.  But I was felt feeling guilty.  So I drove my hybrid SUV to bunnings an got three bags of potting soil, a new tree and a ceramic pot for it.  (Here's the lack of frontal lobe impulse control.). Long story short, I transplanted the jasmine to against the wall in the back terrace, roped along the gutter.  Three days out, I can tell she LOVES her new home.  I didn't really plan it this way, but it's a great example of Columbia business school's negotiation methods in which everyone walks away from the table with a win.

 
Jasmine is so happy in her new home.

Bougainvillea is going to be beautiful trained up this sunny front terrace, and the lavender smells great.

Thinned out my table of flowers.
Herbs: planted new oregano, after it had somehow died back to sticks, next to the taragon; new basil.

New chives and rosemary in less citrus planter sunny spot.  Jade plant in least sunny spot.


The new west wing: what to do?
 
Sunday DYI will be to figure out how to build my new creeping wall of flowers.  I redesigned the west wing after my design guru Ivo relaid my living room and we gave it a William Morris Art's and Crafts look with a beautiful handmade Indian rug for 70% off.  He moved the furniture from the glass wall so now the terrace looks like part of the inside living room.  I just extended the nighttime and dawn LED lighting to give it a glow.  It's pretty cool.  But I am not sure how the plants should sit.  We shall see!


Sunday arvo: Trained three plants in two hours.  Lots of painful resistance from bougainvillea.  Plants are just like animals; they know evolutionarily that our husbandry is good for them.

Damn, have to meet nephew for Indian.  Do the other six at dusk 


Ten hours of labour later, I had all of my plants trained.  Ivo came by for a final subtle but necessary design fluff, and now it is simple, pure comfort. 

I tried orange-rubbish-bag-wrapped LED lights but the orange is too intense

The next night, I rewrapped the LED cord with scented pink Woolies rubbish bags.  Better but needs another wrap for a darker glow. 

My candid gardening comrade Jamie reports: "Looks nice honey. Seems to create a bit more space."  The new West Wing is now part of my living room atmosphere.